Exclusion

The times that I’ve brought the topic of exclusion up before got backlash and unfortunately I don’t expect this time to be any better. It’s a sorrowful topic for me to have to again talk about. Main reason being that exclusion has been increasing greatly again in society. I think this is partially because in recent years we all have been feeling less and less safe. We also cannot ignore the isolation from the pandemic as well as a factor. Everyone reacted to that trauma differently, some of the more negative reactions were becoming less trusting, and more protective. The end result is so many feel things are so out of control that they are grabbing onto anything they have control over, and doing whatever they can to make it feel safe for them. This unfortunately leads to the inevitable extremes of safe spaces where people of differing views are progressively excluded until only non challenging friends and supporters are the only ones left allowed. While the result is wonderful and comforting if you are still part of the “in crowd”, It can easily become an unwelcoming and toxic environment. If you are not part of that group for a variety of reasons you are going to be excluded, diminished, and ignored. Maybe it was due to slightly differing uncomfortable opinions, asking the wrong questions, or just being part of a bad moment, or an unknown stranger trying to join in. In those cases we hear sayings such as: “That for the sake of community happiness and safety some just don’t fit in or are troublemakers, thus this just is not the place for them”. Most accept such reasons, and don't think of it until inevitably they themselves end up for the aforementioned reasons “not really fitting in anymore”.

I myself have found myself now on the edge of this acceptance circle so many times this past year in several groups. Perhaps I should be happy that I still have a seat at the corner of the table where I can see the “Important people '' making their decisions but with my views and opinions becoming progressively more differing and challenging, I am not allowed to actually make change anymore. Well phooey to that! Getting to just watch silently but being excluded from any decision process, and yet watching it all seem to decay is in some ways more disheartening than just being dismissed. In 2016 when I fully rose to formal leadership of Sacfurs one core part of the conflict was over what sort of community were we really wanting to create. Were we creating a private club, A sort of safe living room where we were surrounded only with friends and supporters? Or was it more of a town square where while you would ask everyone behaved civilly but there was still the risk of coming across someone that made you uncomfortable at times? My opinion was for the town square, as even though I knew it would be less safe at times, I believed it also would be more welcoming to a diversity of opinions, allowing the community to grow and thrive. Despite the pitfalls and unfortunate events that have happened since then, I still stand by that opinion. I still believe that during these troubling times we need more open discourse, we need more accountability, we need more discussion about unpleasant topics at times to bring to light the challenges we all face. This is possible with a town square, but not as much with private clubs which usually end up with many topics (and people) not discussed because the owners chose to not talk about that, because it can be distressing, and it is best you not ask to speak of them either lest you suffer the same fate. 

So how do we improve? Where do we go from here? The first step is this right now.. Making a stand, calling out the problem and encouraging open discussion.

I could at this point also name specific names in callouts as has become typical. I will not proclaim to be perfect and without malice in this, I have indeed said such names in smaller circles and some of them probably know who they are anyway. On a larger scale though I believe naming specific names has become another toxic thing when used incorrectly. Everyone has reasons for their behaviors and calling out an individual for a negative behavior hoping they will be shunned for it does not encourage social participation, growth or understanding. This isn’t saying that individuals engaged in extremely negative, illegal and exploitive behaviors shouldn’t be called out. They certainly should if the behavior is verified (by more than just someone with a possible grudge and their clique of best friends). The opinion I’m expressing is that the lines of where minor ham or slights become major ham has also become hazy as of late. Too many are being “canceled forever” in a swift matter for challenging opinions, causing anger, discomfort, for those with greater social clout, and the over response to this is increasing overall exclusion. 

I could also now go on a tangent about justice and redemption in regards to this, but already this post is getting long. In short though, it leads back to the town square analogy of community I mentioned. In a town, many would not sensibly fully trust an offender, who had been caught and served their time. They understandably would not immediately welcome them back into their own private Home/Club. However, they might still be willing to briefly exchange words with them if seen in the town square. That possibility, even existing, can be a path that leads to understanding, redemption, and healing. Having open spaces of meeting and discourse, such as a town square, I believe can lead to a healthier, less toxic, functioning community in that it both leads to challenges of opinion and the possibility of gaining more understanding. Thus it is why I still stand opposed to the intended or unintentional trends to make community spaces more exclusive and moderated by a select few owners to fit their outlooks of what is “safe” and enjoyable for themselves and other good friends.

In conclusion, a saying from Burning Man comes to mind: “Safety Third”. The meaning of this is that life always has its risks and challenges. That there are always at least two higher priorities to have the most enjoyment and diverse experience in life than absolute safety. That if we try to build the safest of spaces it ends up dulling the overall experience for everyone. In regards to social groups and communities, I have come to believe, as said prior, that seeking too much safety (especially from challenging perspectives) does lead to oppression and exclusion. We need to embrace that Safety Third / Town Square mentality more. Through that it will allow the discourse to learn, grow, overcome challenges, and thrive.

Be well, and stay awesome.